Do y’all know the difference between a fairytale and a war story?
A fairytale starts off with "once upon a time." A war story?
"No sh*t, there I was."
So no sh*t, there I was—fifth grade, Pete’s Drive-In, Centerville, Tennessee. My grandma decided it was time to teach me how to drink coffee like a grown-ass man. Spoiler: I hated it. I hated it so bad, it scarred me emotionally for decades. Coffee? Disgusting. Coffee ice cream? Also disgusting. Coffee-scented candles? Might as well be war crimes.
Fast-forward to 2010. My wife kept disappearing to "have coffee" with her friends. I asked her why I never got invited. Her answer? Brutal honesty: "Because you don’t drink coffee." Fair. So she introduced me to hazelnut lattes. I survived. I adapted. I even kind of liked them.
Enter 2024.
That’s when the real mission began. I decided to ditch all the processed garbage—no more fake syrups, no high fructose corn syrup, nothing. I switched to honey. Which sounds healthy and badass until you put it in coffee. You ever tasted honey in black coffee? It's like sipping hot dirt through a beeswax filter. Unacceptable.
So I started experimenting. If I was going to survive this transition, I needed reinforcements.
My brain flashes back to Cancun. Some wild Mayan hot chocolate laced with cayenne and espresso. That memory kicked the door down and said: "Start with cayenne."
Then came cinnamon. Ginger. Turmeric. All healthy. All powerful. And finally, black pepper—because if you know anything about turmeric, you know it doesn’t show up to work unless black pepper punches the clock too.
I made small batches. Weekly. Every Saturday morning was field testing. Notes. Adjustments. More testing. Some blends hit. Some failed like a boot to the face. Friends and family became unwitting test subjects. Eventually, after six months of trial and tastebud warfare, I found the perfect balance.
Ranger Dust was born.
Then I turned it into a side quest for my granddaughter—she started selling it at the farmers market. Kid crushed it. Proud moment.
But like any good Ranger, I wasn’t done.
Cue Cavalry Dust.
I love ice cream. It's my weakness, my hobby, my reward system. So one night, I tossed Ranger Dust on some vanilla ice cream and had a minor religious experience. Spicy-sweet glory.
But after a few weeks of nightly raids on my freezer with Ranger Dust, I wanted something deeper. Richer. So I added 100% cocoa powder to the blend.
Boom. Cavalry Dust hit the field. Spicy, smooth, chocolatey—it was like a warhorse dipped in fire and dessert.
Took about a month of testing, but now I had two weapons in the arsenal.
I don’t know where this thing is headed next. But I know this: I’m having fun, and if I stumble onto another blend that hits like these two, you can bet your ass it’ll make it to market.
Ranger Dust. Cavalry Dust. Born in the kitchen. Proven in the field.
Spice Hard. Sleep Never. Lead the Way.
